Mega Sumo - Get off of me you little bastard!
Ranter - Push me off, faggot. You've got those big, chubby arms, you can do it!
MS - I'll get you for this!
R - Say something less predictable of a whiny loser like yourself, and I'll help you out. Maybe apologize?
MS - I have nothing to apologize for!
R - You should apologize for being so Goddamn fat. Honestly, I don't think anyone on Gyronia is as Goddamn fat as you are, even on purpose.
MS - Fuck you!
Announcer - (Over PA system) I think it's safe to say that Ranter Blackfire is the winner folks! Ranter Blackfire, please help Mega Sumo out of the hole you put him in and lead him out of the ring, and make way for Hercule and Germaine!
R - Aw, fuck. Alright, Mega Fatso, let's go.
Ranter steps off of Mega Sumo, grabs him by the ankles, and rips him out of the stone-tiled floor. Mega Sumo grunts as pieces of tile break off against his head. Ranter tosses Mega Sumo out of the ring with ease, and he lands on the ground with a hard thud. Ranter then exits the ring and stands with Thomas.
Thomas - That was fun to watch. You should have dragged it out a little more, though.
R - I couldn't be bothered. It was like fighting with an unbreakable water balloon until his head broke the floor.
Ranter and Thomas watched as Hercule and another man approached the ring. The pieces of tile broken from the hole in the ring melted and merged with the tile, and the floor repaired itself.
T - That's pretty neat.
R - Yeah. Do they have an alchemist on site, or does it do that by itself?
King Shorma - They have an alchemist on site, stupid. They can't make it do that by itself.
R - Holy shit, dude, are you for real? Nice crown and cape setup, Fuzzypants. You must be King Shorma, the stupidest name in the house.
KS - Who do you think you are? I'll have you know-
T - I'm gonna stop you there, Shorma, it's not gonna do you any good. I'm Thomas, and this is Ranter. I'm your first opponent.
KS - Oh, I see. Are you two twins? Brothers, at least?
T - No, we're just genetically identical.
(Pause)
R - Man, I love the reactions we get from that.
A - Hercule is the winner of his first match! And what an exciting match it was!
R - Aw, for fuck's sake, you made me miss the match, you stupid shit.
T - Looks like we're up, Shorma.
KS - That's King Shorma to you, Thomas.
Thomas and King Shorma walked onto the ring, passing Hercule dragging a broken man by the collar of his jumpsuit.
H - I didn't kill him. He won't ever be the same again, though.
R - Son of a bitch, I missed the whole thing because of Kingaling and his fake British accent.
H - British?
R - It's an Earth thing, you wouldn't understand.
H - Hey, I can understand Earth things. It's not like it's a whole other planet or something.
R - Suit yourself, but you're going to have to do your own research.
H - Yeah well, whatever, I've gotta deal with this guy's family now that he may never walk again, so I don't have time for any fancy research.
R - Suit yourself some more, then.
Hercule walked to the edge of the audience where a woman was crying, and a man in a white robe holding a staff stood. The man began casting magic on the broken fighter to heal his wounds.
R - (shouting) Hey, you know if he can't even beat Hercule in a fight, you might as well bury the guy now, he's hopeless!
H - Hey, shut up!
Ranter cackled at them, while the woman wailed. Ranter then looked up at the ring to see Shorma King flailing around the ring, completely engulfed in flame. Thomas put his hands out, palms facing the Shorma King, and a blast of wind flew forward at him. The flames were doused, and the Shorma King flew out of the ring, his furry cape completely burned up and his crown half-melted. Thomas walked off the ring to meet Ranter.
R - What the hell? I missed the fight again. And you told me to drag it out longer.
T - Dude, I seriously didn't touch the guy. His costume burst into flames before I could clench a fist, I can't even describe it. One minute he was running at me, and then, boom, he's in flames.
R - I'd have to say friction burn.
T - Are you gonna watch the next fight?
R - This is the only fight I wanted to skip. It'll probably be long and boring. You don't happen to be hungry, do you?
T - I haven't been hungry in days. Might as well get something to eat before the next fight, I guess.
R - Sounds good, let's go rob some orphans.
T - I think I'm in the mood for a burger.
R - Okay well let's go buy a burger then. Orphans can't afford burgers.
T - I think you're thinking of homeless people.
R - I heard that homeless people make around $40,000 a year in Canada from begging alone. I think they can afford a burger every now and then.
T - I'd say check your sources, but whatever, let's go to some generic burger joint then.
• • • • •
H - You guys done dicking around? The semifinals are about to start.
R - Alright, Hercule. We're up, I guess.
H - Hell yeah, I've been waiting for this all day.
A - Fighters, ready yourselves! The semifinals are now underway! Ranter and Hercule, please step into the ring!
Ranter and Hercule face off in the ring. As they begin fighting, a flurry of high speed punches and kicks fly in every direction. Energy radiates from them as they fly above the ring, clashing forearms and shins. Shock-waves emit all throughout the sky. Before long, Hercule comes crashing down into the ring on his back, and is shortly after met by a hard-hitting energy blast, causing shards of tile to fly into the air. Ranter rockets down from the sky and lands dead-center on Hercule's rib-cage with one foot. Hercule cried out, and the crowd fell dead silent.
A - ... It looks like the winner of this exciting battle is Ranter Blackfire!
The crowd erupts with cheer. Ranter steps off Hercule, holds out his hand, and helps him up.
R - That was a good fight, Hercule.
H - Looks like I've still got some work to do. Next time I see you, though, I'm getting a rematch, tournament or not.
R - Keep whining, whiny. You're such a whiny whiner, Mr. Whiny Whiner Whiney Whine.
T - Yo Rex, we're up. Get Hercule outta there.
R - Sure, we'll get out of your way. Come on, Mr. Whiney Whi- Oh, he's gone already.
T - No, I mean you and I fight next. The other two guys are both out.
R - What? How?
T - I like to imagine they punched each other in the face at the same time and knocked each other out, but I can't get any answers from anyone. It's too bad we went to get burgers otherwise we might have seen what happened.
R - Weak. Alright, well let's get on with it then.
A - Get ready, folks! This is the last fight of the night! Ranter Blackfire will face off against Thomas Blackfire!
T - Should we go ahead and call it a draw in advance, or should we give this audience a show?
R - We've got to give them a show. The fights today haven't been any good, or at least the ones I've seen.
T - You mean none of them?
R - Right, none of them. None of them have been any good.
T - That's not what I-
A - Let the match begin!
T - Fuck it, let's go.
Ranter and Thomas burst towards each other in an explosion of energy. At just barely watchable speeds, Ranter and Thomas threw and dodged hundreds of each other's attacks. Energy blasts as big as the arena lit up the sky like fireworks. Ranter and Thomas held up for twenty minutes, and then landed. They faced each other in fighting stances at opposite ends of the ring. With another burst of energy, they both dashed forward with a punch. Their fists collided, and a pillar of fire blasted up from below the ring for several seconds and vanished. What was left was a crater where the ring once was, and Ranter and Thomas had both sneaked away in the explosion, leaving the cheering crowd behind.
